mood: 
awake
helloooo! i am currently on my second day of my vacation from work. i've been waiting sooo long for this, y'all have no idea omg...
right now i am currently eating some nice lo mein while watchi vinesauce. i've spent most of the day sleeping when i wasn't running errands to get my medications. very chill day.
oh yeah, i'm sure you're wondering -- just how long is this vacation? rough eight or so days. too lazy to check my work schedule right now but i'm pretty sure that's it. don't worry, i plan to check again. but for now, i'm just gonna continue to lay in bed while playing games on my switch or steamdeck~
mood: 
sad
just gotta get through two more days of work and then i'll have next week off. i am SO looking forward to this vacation, because i need it. my job has been putting such a huge strain on my mental health, and i feel like it's been slowly getting worse recently. i think i might know why, or at least one of the reasons why. that reason being that one of my current work supervisors acts and talks exactly like an old supervisor of mine at a previous job. they were incredibly mean, scrutinized everything i did and would always threaten my job. i'm not the only one that has an issue with this specific supervisor, though. lots of other people have been complaining about them, and so i imagine the higher ups will do something about this soon. because i don't know how much more i can take of this before my spririt finally breaks.
but i'll do my best to focus on the good things, such as the upcoming vacation. i can't wait to sleep and rest and relax and not work!! it's gonna be so nice.
mood: 
nostalgic
recently came to a realization as to why i enjoy sleeping so much (besides the fact that sleep feels nice), which is because of my dreams. every night, i always dream of this nice liminal world that invokes a feeling of nostalgia for me. what's even better to me is that the liminal world stays the same every time i fall asleep. the most prominenet place in my dream liminal world has to be this one mall that is mostly underground, with a nice retro 80's mall aesthetic. it actually reminds me a lot of one of the childhood malls i used to frequent with my family before turning into the dead mall it is today.
i can also vividly remember this one cafe i keep frequenting in my dreams (in some dreams i'll even be working at said cafe) that has a ton of windows and an overall nice atmosphere. would love to see one like that irl. that HAS to exist somewhere irl...
if i could change one thing about my current dreams it would be to add aventurine to the liminal dream world. i'd love to explore the liminal underground mall with him --
mood: 
hot
didn't realize it's been a hot minute since i last updated my blog. just been dealing with work and other personal stuff in the form of helping an irl friend out. while that has admittedly put a bit of a strain on my already struggling mental health, i also just couldn't turn away a friend in need.
at least i got the new hsr/fate event to distract myself if needed! while i'm already a fan of fate, i'm more into this event for aventurine. my boyfriend. my sweet lil honeybee --
oh right, i also forgot to mention that i ended up hopping onto the umamusume hype train. luckily i was already familiar with the career gameplay style thanks to idolmaster shiny colors, though it can get admittedly get frustrating at times. but the cute horsegirls keep me going babey
mood: awake
today i slept in until almost noon for the first time in god knows how long...it felt nice. i feel nice. i miss this lovely feeling. i think what would perfectly suit this feeling is taking a nice drive somewhere foresty or mountain-y. too bad i'm not a big fan of driving, especially in my current car that can't seem to go more than a week without something funny happening to it. though the more i think about it, the more i'd like to take another nice day trip into the mountains...
mood: 
sore
whew...had a pretty bad head-cold for a good five or six days, but i am now better! i still have the occasional cough but that's fine. it's better than what i've been through the last few days. now to just enjoy my time off work before going back...i should work some more on my music, especially since my next album will be premiering on my channel next month!
i thought i'd have more to say but i guess not? just work and sick. sick and work. when i was driving home earlier i realized how much better my mood improves once i start heading home from work. hmmm... (thinking emoji)
mood: 
tired
sorry for lack of updates here -- been very distracted with work and other personal + mental health stuff T-T i've been doing my best though!
mood: 
happy
happy pride month to my fellow queers!! ♥
i was going through downtown this morning for brunch when i saw pride flags everywhere! i wish was able to snap some pictures. it's okay, i have all month to do that~
btw this was the brunch i got. i met with my mom at this new diner and it was pretty good! their cold brew was especially good
mood: tired
just got home from working seven days in a row again! please stop doing this, work.
but on a happier note, i do have this weekend off, which means i can enjoy animazement in peace with my friends! i'm very excited about that ♥
in other news: it took me no less than a billion pulls to get this damn twink. why is he so mean to me 💔
mood: awake
yesterday i drove out to a mall i love and ended up spending a good three or so hours in there. it's got SO many stores and a banger food court. i got myself a nice poke bowl there :3
the poke bowl had salmon in it! i looove salmon~
there was also an ikea nearby and ended up picking up a few things there too. strolling through that place is also always fun! also grabbed some of them swedish meatballs ofc
mood: 
calm
for the past few or so months, my dreams have become more vivid and consistent. i'll consistantly dream of the same liminal places to the point that i can recall the layout of said place right now. the dream world has a very nostalgic and liminal feel to it -- the perfect place to blast some vaporwave music. i think my favorite place in this dream world has to be the vintage mall i'll often visit where half the mall is like underground which is pretty neat. i'd LOVE to visit this place irl if it existed.
mood: tired
the other day i was tired from lack of sleep, and now i'm tired from TOO much sleep. well i'm sure i'll appreciate this more once i go back to work and can't sleep as much.
something i'll often think about is how much i want to show this website to my close irl friends and loved ones, mainly because irl me is sooo different from my online persona. how i am online is how i truly am (chill, upbeat, friendly), unlike my irl self (anxious, moody, shy+mute+monotone). i've been trying my best to implement my "true" self into my irl self, but it can be difficult. it's kinda hard to get that upbeat aspect to work when i'm usually so quiet and monotone in person LOL. though one great perk to my monotone-ness is that i can say the wildest things imaginable in the most non-chalant and flat tone and nobody can tell if i'm being serious or not. so maybe my irl persona isn't ALL bad. just gotta replace the anxious and moody aspects and we're good.
mood: happy
during work today i got the most heartwarming message from one of my closest friends, telling me how much they love and appreciate me and it honestly made my entire week omg. shoutout to mat for being the coolest sexiest friend ever ♥
mood: 
good
had the most delicious brunch outside in perfect weather. a pretty great start to my may!
mood: tired
wew, just survived a six day work week! wish they would stop giving me those though :')
i'll probably spend my weekend catching up on sleep, as well as some htmling on neocities! maybe also some music as well. we'll see how i'm feeling tomorrow, but right now i'm exhausted. today's work shift was painfully slow, because there was quite literally nothing for me to do for the first like, five hours. but at least i got paid for standing around doing nothing i guess? though it would've been better if they actually let me sit down, especially since my body was feeling weak today. i'll never understand why they never let workers sit down at work, especially when you're like me and don't even have to deal with customers (and also have chronic pain)
mood: hungry
sometimes at work i'll daydream about cute places i could possibly live in the near future. the two main places i have in mind are mountain or beach. i'll take other places, but i like those two the most~ where i live now is a pretty nothingburger of a place. there's no mountains, no beach, no forest, just buildings and some trees. i would love to live somewhere where there's something to catch my eye. even a cool attraction would be cool, but my town doesn't even have those smh
in other (and game-related) news, i managed to pull jane doe in zzzero! i tried pulling her on her initial banner but didn't get her, but now i do :3 maybe i'll try and get vivian, or at least get a guaranteed pull for hot blond vampire twink hugo~
mood: 
artistic
been doing a lot of artistic stuff this past week! mainly music-related stuff. i was asked to provide some music for a fanzine, which sounds exciting so i joined. i've been mainly working on some songs to pitch for that, and so far they've been my best songs yet! i'm honestly impressed with how amazing they're turning out and i'm very excited to share them. sadly, i can't share a song sample here at the moment, but i CAN share this album cover i threw together for it. may or may not be final, we'll have to see~
other than that, what's up with jude? well i've been getting into tasokare hotel, which makes my friend very happy ahaha~ it's a genuinely good game, though and would definitely recommend the VN if you can download it! i'm not sure how the anime adaptation is though, but i'll be sure to share my thoughts here if i do. anyways, both the plot and characters are great, and i also love the VN's artstyle! 10/10 would recommend
maybe i'll go back and remove the titles from my entries, because i really am bad at titles and most of the ones i came up with were kinda cringe anyways LMAO
mood: 
indifferent
the good news is that i survived another week of work. the bad news is that my car's battery didn't survive another week of work. well, it's just the battery dead at least. better than, i don't know...breaking down and spending three weeks at the shop. still sucked, but what can you do. at least it wasn't worse.
but hey, i have the next two days off so i have some time to get a new battery for my car. also have time to try and draw some more again, because it's been a good couple weeks since i last drew and i miss it. i wanna draw more yumeship art. actually there's a lot of things i wanna draw, but can't because i cannot draw. but i try my best at least and that's all that matters. even bad human art is better than any type of ai "art".
oh yeah, i'm sure you're curious about how my 4/20 went. well, most of it was spent working but as soon as i got home i was able to finally unwind and celebrate funni weed day :3
mood: 
sleepy
haven't been too active on neocities recently due to work and other irl stuff distracting me orz
but the good news is that i have the next two days off work, so i'll probably do some html-ing during the weekend! i definitely miss coding, and i've been browsing other sites for inspiration for my new home page. there's sooo many lovely wesbites on neocities that it's inspiring :3
i've been trying my best to cope with work. like i've said before, it's not the worst job i've worked, and yet it's having some effect on my mental health. i don't know what exactly to do to help with it, but i'm doing my best trying to figure it out. probably doesn't help that within the past like ten days i've only had one of those days off. hopefully actually having two days off will help a bit.
soooo what else have i been doing outside of work? well mainly genshin/honkai and fate/stay night. i've also recently picked up tasokare hotel again now that i'm in a vn mood. also one of my friends is obsessed with this series, so i'd love to get into it more for them~
mood: tired
work has been really testing my patience these past few days. i have to keep reminding myself how my current job is at least better than my previous two jobs...but not by much, sadly. i've been looking out for other jobs, but the job market has been kinda ass for quite some time so it's been hard. i'm trying my best, though. i mean that's all you can really do in life, right?
but other than work, what else have i been up to? well i ended up buying the hd remaster of fate/stay night on steam because i've been in a bit of a fate mood recently (and vn mood in general really) and have been playing/reading it on my steam deck. it's very nice :3
also just pulled castorice in hsr not too long ago (after losing my 50/50 on mydei's banner)!! now to try and get her light cone ehehehe
i also pulled varesa in genshin and have been slowly getting back into the game as a result. i've been pretty on and off with genshin since sumeru but have been wanting to get really into it again like i used to before the burnout.
mood: calm
busy busyyy. mainly with work and mental health stuff, as usual. haven't been TOO active on neocities the past couple or so weeks as a result, but i very much miss doing coding stuff here! i've been brainstorming ideas for a new and improved home page, with some success. idk maybe i'm just a bit too attatched to my current home page, but it could definitely use some tweaks here and there. maybe that's what i'll do instead of coming up with a whole new layout from scratch. though i do have something in the works like that, but it's probably not gonna be ready for a while due to my html skills still being in the beginner category. but that's okay, i'll grow better in time!
so what have i been doing in my free time? mainly video game stuff, like bns neo and hoyoverse games. i've started focusing more on genshin again now that i finally obtained varesa! plus i miss the days when i was really into genshin and would spend hours aimlessly wandering around the map and finding treasures and other cool stuff, but now i have about three continents' worth of exploring to do, so i think now would be the best time to get back in!
mood: awake
been rather busy/distracted by life this past week. mainly work stuff, as well as other mental health stuff. i've been figuring out ways to be happier in life, because when i think about it, i don't have that much in life to be depressed or anxious over. i mean sure my life definitely isn't the best, but it could also be a whole lot worse. so i've started adding some gratefulness to my mindfulness exercises, and that honestly seems to be helping me. because it could always be worse, and i'm pretty sure i've been through worse.
i know one thing that also helped with my mental health was finally visiting the mountains for the first time! i'm very familiar with the coast and sea, but have never actually been to the mountains before. i've always wanted to, and now i have. it was such a lovely (and well-needed) trip! the mountain ranges were gorgeous, and i also got to drive through what had to be the cutest small town on the mountainside. honestly, if i can't live by the sea then i'd also be perfectly fine with living in the mountains! maybe someday~
mood: tired
been feeling gloomy for most of the day today, not sure why. nothing bad really happened today, i just kept thinking about how much i would like to vanish into the woods and live off the grid, because i feel like that's the only solution to my depression at this point LOL. i mean i love nature so i definitely wouldn't mind living in a small home somewhere in the mountains, painting some pretty pictures of the scenery around me. if i can't live by the sea, then mountains will also do! jokes aside, i tend to think about what i want my future to be like a lot and i don't have it even remotely figured out right now. i know i'm not very happy with my current life situation, and while it could definitely be a lot worse, it could also be better. i don't know how to improve on it or how soon i can improve it...but maybe i'm just being impatient with life ahaha. maybe practicing some mindfulness and self-compassion will be a good start here.
in other less somber news, my brain has been cooking some ideas for a new homepage layout, even though i've grown attatched to my current homepage. though the idea i have in mind will probably take me a good while to get down pat, since i imagine it's gonna involve some javascript. but if everything goes okay, then it'll be so worth the time and effort.
mood: happy
meant to update this last night, but got distracted by games before passing out for the night. anyways, my weekend off work was fantastic! on friday, i met up with one of my best friends and went to a dixon dallas concert with her. this was actually was my very first time going to a concert, so that was exciting for me! was also great to see my friend for the first time in over a year (we've both been busy with work). overall a very fun day!! wish i could experience days like that more often, but unfortunately work gets in the way most of the time.
also -- i finally pulled evelyn in zzzero after losing her 50/50. yippee!
i had today off work, and it was a nice one! i was able to sleep in for the first time in who knows how long, and spent the day playing bns neo and catching up on chores around the apartment. the weather was also beautiful today, so i took that opportunity to go out and run some quick errands. also had some good baby ribs for dinner! overall a nice day, and i felt nice throughout it. was definitely needed after all the other life + work stresses.
i have the next two days off and plan to spend them doing the same. well except on friday when i go see a concert with one of my besties! very excited to go, especially since this is gonna be my first concert. hehe
i got news today that they're finally done repairing my car!! certainly took them a while, but better late than never i suppose. i'll be picking it up tomorrow, which means goodbye to spending my money on ubers (when they should be going into bills instead!)
but other than that, it's just been work and leveling my blade dancer in bns neo. i'm taking a small break from honkai star rail before i end up getting burnt out (also not too interested in the current banner character + already have the rerun banner), though i should probably try to get evelyn in zzzero before her banner is up. i lost her 50/50 which definitely deflated me a bit for that game, but i can't give up because her gf astra yao is patiently waiting for her in my party.
blade & soul neo launched yesterday!! i made sure to log in and play as soon as i got home from work. so far i'm having an amazing time with it! the initial launch was a bit annoying, but i haven't had any launch issues since then. when i played it for the first time i had a moment like that one scene in ratatouille when anton ego has that flasback. i'm probably being overdramatic here LMAO but this game is very special to me. i've been a diehard fan ever since i first played on the china servers wayyy back in 2014. which was 11 years ago now? what the fuck???
anyways. the neo servers are like the classic servers that have been trending among mmorpgs, except bns neo also makes a lot of nice improvements to the game while still staying faithful to the core elements of the OG game, if that makes any sense. the small (and big) quality of life improvements, such as infinite windwalk is VERY nice. especially since i really don't wanna deal with those annoying windwalk quests all over again.
so yeah, i've been having a loooot of fun with bns neo! so much so that i've spent most of my day off today leveling my blade dancer. you guys are never gonna guess what the character's name is btw
i've been so wrapped up in bns neo in fact that i still haven't played the new update in honkai star rail yet! i'm about to fix that, though. anaxa my love i'm coming --
so i was already working on a new blog theme page because adhd and then my old blog layout started to break for whatever reason, so i guess that was a message from god telling me to roll out the new blog theme update now. i'll miss the old theme, though. it was nice and also had pirate aventurine watching me blog. still got him lurking somewhere on this page too though, don't worry. he's always there.
but yeah, this theme is a lot like my main page theme, but with a windows xp feel. and just like with the main page, everything here is draggable except for the aim pop-up in the bottom right corner. also, every single image on this page turns into a chameleon when hovered. go give it a try on aventurine (or sunday) over there to the left!
but other than that, i'm just chillin. the shop is taking their sweet time on my car though, but apparently they have to special order some stuff for the repair. as long as my car is working fine again, that's all that matters to me. also please no more car problems after this, i've had too many of those for one lifetime already.
it's snowing AGAIN over here! it rarely ever snows here, so it snowing like thrice in a few months is mind-blowing. don't think it did that since i was a kid.
they're saying it might snow up to twelve inches, which is also absolutely insane. again, it hasn't snowed this much since i was a kid! i'm definitely gonna have to take tons of pictures, because who knows when this will happen again. (watch it snow again like next month or something. not that i'm complaining.)
i'm so lucky that i have today and tomorrow off work. it's like mother nature timed all this for me specifically. if that's the case, then thanks ma! love ya. keep up the good work.
it's been about a week so i should probably give y'all a quick update with life stuff. my car is still at the shop since it's gotta get some major things replaced, so in the meantime i gotta uber to and from work, which sucks but what can you do. hopefully the repairs will be done within the next few or so days!
but other than that, it's just been mainly work, friends and some html coding. i've been working on a new about page, which required me to finally learn some javascript. middle school me definitely did not fuck with javascript. html, absolutely. css, sure not that bad. but javascript? that guy is just the evil stepmother of coding. anyways, javascript was definitely headache inducing, but i've got my page looking good now! it'll probably be live soon, so definitely keep an eye out for that~ i wanna say that i'm very happy with how it turned out, but that's what i say to every single page i make. but i guess that's a good thing if everything i make is a banger in my eyes.
oh yeah. i may have to have worked today on valentine's day but that didn't stop me from having a nice v-day snack with aventurine lmaoooo
i like how no sooner than i make a blog post talking about how calm and lowkey boring life has been, it decides to abruptly gut punch me.
so basically, my car just suddenly broke down on my way to work this morning, which turned out to trigger some bad ptsd so i had to deal with the bad panic attacks while at work. at least my coworkers were sympathetic about the situation and let me have some space. i really do appreciate them doing that for me, especially since i thought i'd have to deal with this b.s. by myself like i always have to in life @_@ but hopefully there's nothing too serious with my car. my coworkers don't seem to think so, so i'll trust them on that. they've done so much for me already, so the least i can do is put my faith in them.
i'll try not too think too much about the car situation. just have to hope that everything turns out okay in the end.
life since my last blog post has been rather uneventful. wake up, go to work, go home and distract myself with video games and/or youtube videos until i fall asleep. noooot very interesting.
i guess i could always talk about what i've been playing! besides my usual gacha slop, i've also been playing a lot of vr! my parents got one for me last christmas (w parents) and i think it's pretty neat so far! i've been mainly playing the fnaf vr games, beatsaber and vrchat. vrchat is lowkey addicting because it's hilarious watching people with the most random avatars do the most unhinged shit. i guess it also helps with my social anxiety a bit! also visiting pretty or comfy maps by yourself is pretty relaxing.
it snowed again last night! it doesn't snow very often here, so that makes me very happy~
the snow this time was the soft and powdery kind that crunches under your feet, aka the best kind. the previous snow was more icey, so this snow was much nicer. and i just so happen to have today off work, which means i can enjoy the snow as much as i can. though my plan is to take it easy and read a ton of BL manga :3 buuuut i do have to take my car to get the oil changed at some point...
today's work shift was pretty overstimulating for me, but i somehow managed to survive. it was insanely busy, on top of having a lot of co-workers call out. well at least my manager was very thankful for all my hard work, so there's that. :)
now to take a nice long hot shower and play some more of that new star rail quest until i eventually pass out for the day. just two more shifts (hopefully they're not as hectic as today) and i'll be free for a couple days~
so today's been pretty nice. i initially woke up at like, 3am-ish to open hsr and pull for the herta and guess what?! not only did i get her in a single 10-pull, but i also got her light cone in a single 10-pull as well!! pretty sure i just used up the rest of my luck for 2025. worth it though.
after that i took a quick nap before waking up for work, which went by alright. it was pretty calm and went by at a reasonable pace. well i guess if i have one gripe about today it's that i hit my elbow pretty hard against something while at work, and it's STILL sore. i just know it's gonna be worse in the morning. well, at least i have plenty of icy hot and ibuprofen on me.
but now i'm just chilling at home and playing through the new trailblaze story in hsr. won't spoil anything, but it's pretty interesting so far!
i somehow managed to survive a seven day work week after having only having one day off beforehand. i'm back to two days off this week though, thank god. i don't ever wanna do that again, but i won't be surprised if it does happen again. i just gotta think about that nice paycheck. it's okay though, because i have tomorrow off and plan on doing nothing but taking it easy. video games, art, writing, and maybe try to catch up on shows. i STILL haven't watched s2 of squid game yet, mainly because i got logged out of my step-dad's shared netflix account and don't remember the login info. kinda tempted to rewatch helluva boss, because it's that much of a banger show to me.
it actually snowed a good amount in my area for once! snow is a very rare occurance, so i make sure to savor every snow day i can get. can you tell that i love snow :3
i'm not looking forward to driving to work in this snow, though. people in my area can't drive to save their lives as it is, so i can only imagine how much worse it'll get in the snow. but i'll live. i always do.
in other news: i managed to pull mavuika in genshin! i'm so happy!! i think it's safe to say that it's been a pretty good evening for me~
last few days have just been work work work. and some small website updates on the side. yeah i wasn't kidding when i said i only had one day off this week, and i don't know when my next day off will be. but hey, at least it's been mostly training and orientation stuff since our job got bought out my a new management company. they've been bringing some good changes to the place, so i'm cool with it so far! but i would love a day off soon, so i can rest and do more chores around the apartment.
oh yeah, there's a chance of snow for the next couple days. i'd love to see some more snow, since the snow we got the other day only lasted a few minutes :( when will my husband (snow) return from the war (global warming)
i have only one day off next week (tomorrow), which is crazy to me. most of it is gonna be orientation/training for work, since my job got bought my a new company, so it shouldn't be too bad. i'm just glad neocities is back up and working again, so i can finally start working on that art gallery page! that's probably what i'll be spending most of my day off tomorrow doing :3 that and video games and some chores around the apartment~
so my new power adapter came in the mail and was pretty excited to have working internet again. only problem was that my modem was acting strange and basically couldn't connect to the internet as a result. i was panicked at first, but after some digging around i was able to find a new and unused router that i received back when i first moved into this apartment. a phone call to my isp later and i have this new modem running and working perfectly well! it was one hell of a miracle that i just so happened to have a box full of cable equipment laying around from when my isp sent me that box a year ago. and here i thought that box was full of useless junk i was never gonna use. anyways, i'm very relieved i was able to resolve this whole mess, because i was scared that i wouldn't be able to, or it would take who knows how long.
but now that i have that chaotic evening out of the way, it's time to finally relax~
happy new year!! i can't believe it's already 2025. i think i made some pretty good progress on my 2024 resolutions, so here's hoping for the same eith my 2025 ones. i want this year to be one of healing and happiness, because that's what i want the most in life right now. i would love to be able to reach that goal sometime this year.
my internet cord got damaged this morning, but it's not the end of the world. gonna get a new one in the mail on Friday and can just use my phone and wifi until then. dunno if i wanna try html coding on phone though (despite doing exactly that right now as i write this blog post).
but that's all i can think of to write here for now. happy new year and here's to hoping 2025 will be a better year! ♥
well the first half of my day was certainly eventful. i was supposed to be at a work meeting at 10am, but ended up getting stuck in the world's slowest traffic for nearly two entire hours! i called my manager and they were pretty understanding of the situation and said i could just head back home and they would catch me up on what i missed. i'm definitely grateful for my manager for being so nice and understanding, but i also feel bad for not being able to make it to the meeting. but also the insane traffic was something beyond my control, sadly. well i'm not gonna let that ruin my weekend off work, so i'm gonna do my best to relax and also work on my neocities site some more! would also like to work on art and catch up on some shows. i still need to watch season 2 of squid game. i'm sure it's good, though~
hi hiiii! just wanted to give this blog an official launch update i guess. i have the next two days off work, so i'm definitely looking forward to getting some rest! also need to catch up on chores. also also have to go to a work meeting on my day off, but it's not the end of the world. that's a good opportunity to stop by somewhere for lunch :3
but uhhh that's all i can think of for now. hopefully my future blog posts are more interesting! i definitely plan to post any nice pictures i take and maybe some art/writing/music WIPs as well.
This blog is currently under construction. Check back again soon!
